Amusing double-meanings to cheer you up

In these depressing times of austerity, here is something to bring a smile to your face!

A pun is best described as a humorous message that exploits 2 words or expressions sounding the same with two different meanings (usually with 2 different spellings). Puns are in fact one of the great wonders of the English language.

For anyone who seeks to demonstrate the confusing nature of English words and phrases, these examples of funny and clever puns will likely serve your needs.

1. 100% reliable contraception is inconceivable! 
2. Serious campers are intense. 
3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 
4. Sports people can avoid the pain of defeat by wearing comfortable shoes. 
5. Nut screws washers and bolts. (Headline following a laundrerette sex crime) 
6. Poetry written upside-down is inverse; poetry of very few lines is universal. 
7. A girl who screamed and shouted for a pony got a little hoarse. 
8. The carpenter's heavy tools were uncomfortable so he got a little sore. 
9. Nuns generally wear plain colors because old habits never dye. 
10. The days of the pocket diary are numbered. 
11. Do hungry time-travellers ever go back four seconds? 
12. You can't beat a pickled egg.

We hope you like them and welcome your input.